The conflict between ex-partners often continues, especially if there are children, because complete disengagement is not possible for parents who continue to have contact during the children’s exchanges and when decisions regarding the children must be made.
Following separation, parents continue to be tied through the children in ways that maintain a symbolic presence of the former partner in the lives of both the children and the parents.
Parents’ continued interactions might be characterized by a high degree of boundary ambiguity over who is included in the family and what roles each family member has in the new family system. In this sense, the reorganization of the family system is never fully complete since the “ghosts of the past fade in and out at both expected and unexpected times in the lives of both the formerly married and their children”.
Some of the factors that can contribute to ongoing conflict can include:
· The presence of mental health problems
· The presence of substance use/abuse
· Criminal history of either parent
· Negative patterns of conflict resolution and communication
· The identification of blame for the end of the couple relationship
· The lack of trust between ex-partners; the unequal division of assets
· Inconsistent and incompatible views of parenting practices
· The presence of emotional, physical or sexual abuse
· Lack of appropriate and healthy parent-child boundaries
· Multiple complaints to child protection services and/or police services
· The number of professionals involved with either parent, more frequent attendance at court
· The negative involvement of external supports by taking sides in the conflict thus perpetuating the ongoing hatred, hostility, and disrespect between sides of the conflict.
The majority of separating or divorcing couples are able to work through initial feelings of anger, disappointment, and loss in a timely manner and re-establish healthy interpersonal relationships with their ex-partners and their children.
Approximately 40 percent of ex-partner interactions are considered conflictual at the time of separation.[9]Of these parents, 10 percent remain in the high conflict despite the passage of time.
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